YOUR STORY MATTERS HERE: Stephanie Wolfe

By Tim Wesley

When the Queen of England died last year, Stephanie Wolfe felt like a member of her family had passed. 

For good reason.

Through her dad’s branch of the family tree, Steph can trace her lineage all the way back to Henry VIII, King of England from 1509-1547.  Which means . . .

“I guess we’re probably 500th in line to the throne,” she says with a laugh. “Apparently, one of our ancestors married one of Henry VIII’s sisters, which is just so cool.”

So cool, that Steph describes herself as “a total Anglophile, fascinated by English history.”

“My mom went to a book fair when I was in fifth grade and brought home a book for me about one of Henry VIII’s daughters.  I was hooked.  To this day, I’m obsessed with reading historical novels about the Tudor period, and I love the Royal Family.  When the Queen died, I was glued to the television.”

Maybe that distant connection to royalty explains why Steph is comfortable wearing a lot of crowns, er, hats.  She’s a wife, mother of three youngsters, graduate student and Dutilh member/volunteer. 

“I like to stay busy,” she says.  “I look at everything as a learning experience, and I don’t want to be bored and static in life.”

Steph traces that philosophy back to her childhood, when she tried singing lessons, tennis, fencing, swimming, and tae kwon do.

“I love to try new things,” she says.  “My mom encouraged me because growing up she didn’t do a lot of activities.  She wanted to make sure we would be active.”

Born in Washington, PA, Steph moved with her sister, Elizabeth, and their parents – Dutilh members Gary and Esther Schwartz – to Morgantown, W.Va., in fourth grade and graduated in 2009 from Morgantown High School.  Among her many activities, Steph expressed a desire to pursue counseling as a career.

“In high school, I was the one my friends would come to for help,” she says.  “I enjoyed helping people and worked as a camp counselor for underprivileged kids.  Other people seemed to treat it as just a job, but I really wanted to be there for the kids and really wanted to help.”

She turned that desire into an undergraduate degree in psychology from West Virginia University, where she also met her future husband, Kurt, then a WVU engineering student.  They married before their senior year and graduated in 2013.  Steph began working on her master’s degree in counseling but put that on hold when their first child, Jack (now 7), was born in 2015.  The family moved to Cranberry Township in 2017 and Steph worked at Precious People, a daycare in Mars, for two years.  In 2019, Melanie (3) was born, followed by Chloe (2) the following year.

With three young children, Steph finally decided to give up her counseling dream and . . . well, no, she didn’t.

“I had been Jack’s playmate for so long, I wanted to do something for myself,” she says.  “I didn’t want to stop being a mom but wanted to go back to being Steph, too.  I loved counseling the first time.  I missed it, being in school and learning how to help people.”

So she enrolled at Slippery Rock University and expects to graduate in 2024 with a master’s in clinical mental health.  During the fall semester last year, her routine included one class on campus Tuesday evenings and two online classes, along with a lot of reading about theories and writing papers – and she earned A’s in each class.  This year she’ll start fieldwork and an internship, including seeing clients.  Her mom lends a hand by taking care of the kids on Wednesdays.

Steph’s dream job?

“I’d love to be in a private practice, doing play therapy for kids with trauma.  The trauma could be from physical or sexual abuse, bullying, or general anxiety and depression.  You help them process their emotions through play; by coloring with them, drawing with them, making things with their hands.”

But that doesn’t mean she expects it to be all fun and games.  Among the challenges are confidentiality issues and learning not to take things personally.

“Confidentiality is critical, but we’re taught that sometimes you have to know when to break confidentiality,” she says.  “You might have to tell someone, ‘If mom or dad are hurting you, I have to keep you safe.’  Also, it can be difficult dealing with kids who don’t want to be there, maybe through the juvenile system, or if they have drug or anger problems.  You have to learn not to take things personally, that what people say out of anger is often a reflection of themselves, more than the person they’re talking to.”

And always, Steph says, remember to “advocate for these kids; somebody needs to give them a voice.  I’ve always loved being around kids.  What you see is what you get, and I love their energy.  Wish I could bottle it and sell it.”

At Dutilh, Steph has found multiple ways to use her own energy since she and Kurt, a civil engineer with CDR Maguire, began attending in 2017.  (Her parents have attended since 2010.)   She sings in the choir, supports the VOICe Tree and Christmas food drive, and serves as a youth leader for Bud Fickley, Dutilh’s director of Student Ministry.  Steph and her dad have also started to help the Latin American community in Pittsburgh, providing money and clothes to those in need.

“With the youth group, I help with lessons and discussion group questions on Wednesday nights,” she says. “I also like to ask them what’s going on in their lives, what was good and bad this week, form relationships with them.  They all have my phone number if they ever need me.”

Steph is also a fan of Dutilh’s worship services and the church’s music ministry.

“I like when there is a psychological and cultural component in the sermons,” she says.  “That’s in my wheelhouse.  It helps to give us an all-encompassing worldview, to bring it down to earth.  We make mistakes and that’s normal.  And I love being in the music ministry.  Maureen [Konopka, director of Music Ministries] is so fun and lively that it’s always a good time.”

Whether in her volunteer activities, her profession or her daily interactions with others, Steph says her faith keeps her focused and grounded.

“My faith influences everything.  I feel like God is watching me, and I want to stick to my Biblical principles:  being kind, loving people, not letting my temper show.  I’m human; I yell at my kids, but I know that God loves me at my worst and best.  I’m trying to learn slowly but surely about how to show grace to myself.  I show more to other people and to my kids than to me.  I always try to remember the saying that for some people you may be the only Jesus they see.  So even when it might be difficult to speak about your faith, just be kind and warm to others.”

Sound and simple advice, fit for kings and queens.

-Published on January 4, 2023.

If you or someone you know in the Dutilh family has an interesting story, send us your ideas! We would love to help tell your story. Email: communications@dutilhumc.org.